Often it's you. ...

There is a fight to be won for all this mixed emotions I feel. There days when I wake up and the sky makes my swelling heart feel small. Sometimes everyone knows am not myself, most of the times the feeling is somewhere deep inside and outside of me it seems as fate.
  
I am that girl too busy fixing fears , building walls all around her. Growing up feels like giving up your soul. When you thought you let go but your still hanging on. When your hiding , trying to keep you safe.But when it hurts you will know its the right thing.

I have grown to really appreciate the waves. I love the moments I laugh and when its really good I cry. When I brush my teeth in front of the mirror because I am never more myself . I love receiving cards, cards so sweet you can't help but tear. I love reading, getting lost in my head that I forget everything around me. I love the morning silence, the moment that is everything sacred. I love a glass of wine oh how I really do .

I didn't  intend to write. Actually I had given up on ever writing. A clouded heart and mind I thought of all the unlisted feelings, hopes and dreams. I remembered I believe in smiles, tears , words. The power of the right words said at the right time.

Perhaps the real problem is I know I am guilty of everything that has happened to me and I am having a hard time letting go of that. Seeing from the eyes of the old instead of the young. At times I hope I can be like a new born baby, take everything on a clean slate.

Because often it's you.

Its the love you give, its your smile, your heart. It's what you did. What you understand, what you choose to express. It's whom you see in the mirror. How you like your coffee.

Am in the process of learning a great lesson in my life. Plant seeds of love. Whether you've had good or bad effect on people , that's your afterlife.

Trust with Love

Ivanress